Adolecenta fetei pare rupta din scenariul unui film de groaza. Tanara a marturisit ca obisnuia sa isi ascunda mancarea in urechi si chiar isi ungea parul cu unt, pentru a-si convinge parintii ca a mancat. In alte zile refuza sa bea si apa de teama ca ar putea fi contaminata.
Boala a inceput sa dea primele semne la 13 ani, insa doi ani mai tarziu a scapat de sub control. Cand in sfarsit a admis ca are o problema si a mers la specialisti, acestia au ramas uimiti de gravitatea problemei. Julia avea 16 ani si 35 de kg iar medicii au diagnosticat-o cu anorexie nervoasa. Devenise obsedata de greutatea ei, in mijlocul noptii era in stare sa se ridice din pat si sa faca exercitii fizice ore in sir daca simtea ea ca s-a ingrasat. “ M-am simtit pierduta in perioada aceea, nu stiam cine sunt si parca imi era frica sa cresc sau sa admit ca am o problema. Anorexia imi dadea un sentiment fals de detinere a controlului si asta evitam si dificultatile ce au venit odata cu pubertatea, imi era mai usor sa imi fac griji pentru alimentatie si greutate decat sa ma infrunt cu adevarata lume in care traiam si problemele lor”, a declarat Julia.
Sometimes I wonder how I am even still alive... Do you see that yellow color to my skin in the left picture? That is because my liver was failing. Everything inside my body was failing. The thing about anorexia is...you don't just "get skinny". Your organs literally start to rot inside of you. Everything from your skin to your heart, your kidneys and your bones will fall apart. It is neither pretty nor glamorous. Losing control over all your bodily functions at such a young age is not glamorous. And there is nothing pretty about your mother's sobbing eyes as she has to watch her child die right in front of her eyes. The picture on the left was still many kilograms above my lowest weight but when I look at it, I still wonder: How the hell am I even still alive? Thank you body for not failing me during all these years. I won't fail you this time, I promise❤❤❤
The one thing I love about recovery is that I can feel my body getting stronger???????? Not stronger as in "I can do 1500 squats and deadlift the weight of a horse" but stronger as in I can walk up one flight of stairs without almost collapsing. I can brush my hair without getting out of breath and stand up from a chair without passing out (most of the time at least lol). Showering isn't an hour long ordeal that leaves me exhausted for the rest of the day anymore. I feel like my body is slowly but surely re-entering the world of the living. And my mind will follow????????????
Tanara avea tensiunea atat de scazuta, incat lesina de mai multe ori pe zi, iar unchiile si buzele se invineteau tot timpul: "Ma simteam atat de slabita incat nu putea nici macar sa fac dus singura sau sa-mi perii parul fara ajutor.", isi aminteste Julia.
“Am incercat din rasputeri sa ma vindec, sunt inca in faza confuza a recuperarii. Am si acum momente cand ma uit in oglinda si ceea ce este in mintea mea nu se potriveste cu ceea ce vad acolo. Ideea e ca cineva poate parea complet sanatos si sa se lupte cu tulburari de alimentatie.”, a mai adaugat ea.
YOU CANNOT JUDGE THE SEVERITY OF AN EATING DISORDER BY LOOKING AT SOMEBODY. When recovering from anorexia, the first essential step is starting to gain weight. But the thing I struggle with (and I hear many others struggling with) is that you will LOOK healthier a lot sooner than you will FEEL healthier. Don't get me wrong, restoring weight IS CRUCIAL. I firmly believe that you cannot fully recover from an ED without gaining weight, but being at a normal weight doesn't necessarily mean that you are healthy. And I have to be honest, especially on my days where I struggle a lot mentally, IT SUCKS to hear "oh you look so much better!". I know that people mean well, I really do, but a huge part of me goes like"wait what?? I am still sick!" And my ED wants to lose weight again to prove to the world that it still exists... It is a struggle that has no easy solution. My only advice is: To the people who know somebody who struggles with eating/body image issues: it is completely fine to express that you are happy that your loved one has gained weight, it is a totally appropriate reaction. But be careful not to assume that this means that they are no longer going through an incredibly difficult time. Don't jump to conclusions. Tell them that you STILL care and that their weight gain doesn't change your relationship with them. Losing people because you are "no longer sick enough to deserve love and support" is often one of the biggest fears of recovering anorexics (at least in my experience). Or don't say anything and offer a hug, that often goes a long way. To the people also suffering from an ED: YOU DO NOT NEED TO PROVE YOUR MENTAL STRUGGLES BY SHRINKING YOURSELF INTO NOTHINGNESS. I know being emaciated has been your way of telling the world "hey look at me, I need help". But you don't need to do that. You have a voice to use and that is enough!
Acum tanara lupta sa nu mai ajunga in acea etapa din viata sa, este plina de optimism si increzatoare ca viata ei e pe drumul cel bun.